Nothing suppressed the constant feeling of alienation since the circumstances surrounding me cloaked me in a world of solitude. I looked no different than any other kid, but I didn't retain the same level of innocence regarding a care free time for growth. It felt as if every incident that transpired hung on me like the mark of Cain. Since I decided not to discuss the matter to avoid further humiliation, it left everyone open to their own conclusions. It's hard to describe the level of seclusion that comes from being persecuted, especially when it comes simultaneously from two different planes of existence. The whole concept of feeling unaccepted physically and spiritually leaves little to no avenue to follow for a sense of belonging.
I realized that nothing out of the ordinary ever happened away from the house, so I purposely spent time exploring the neighborhood and did other things to avoid being home. I frequented the downtown businesses on Main Street, spending hours in Woolworth's, Kresge's and Lucky's Record Store. My father's side of the family kept a strong influence with music, so I naturally followed in step and started a collection. The music became therapeutic, playing on my imagination and drawing me out of the surreal, enough to take me out of the void and avert my focus to something positive. I spent hours browsing the selections each store carried, then went home to indulge in a new world of sound.
The more time I spent outside the house I noticed odd things occasionally happened with no explanation. One afternoon, I anxiously waited for the final remaining minutes to pass as I sat watching the clock from my classroom desk. I spent the day overcome in earnest anticipation with a focused intent to do something once the school day ended. When time for dismissal finally came, I hurried home following the same familiar route. I ran non stop for a couple of blocks and drew closer to the parking entrance of a local grain elevator. I kept up the pace, oblivious to my surroundings and ran in front of a car that turned into the parking entrance. The speed the car traveled should have easily run me over, but an inner reflex caused me to hold my hands out to place on the hood of his car and we stopped at the same time. Once my hands touched the hood of the car I noticed for a split second that another pair of larger hands were on the hood with mine. The driver and I shared a puzzled glance. The confused expression on his face vindicated that he also saw something. No words exchanged as we slowly set off in separate directions, trying to make sense of what we just experienced.
I spent a hot summer afternoon walking the crowded sidewalks of Main Street, being one of my favorite pastimes. It became a convenient habit with walking distance only being a few blocks. I kept the same routine every time I went there. I knew the downtown area like the back of my hand and frequented the same businesses obsessively. The area usually remained crowded since the majority of places to shop lined the blocks of Main Street. Midland kept a slow expansion growth rate at the time, but the downtown area remained the choice for many people to go to. I walked for hours among the crowds, sharing in the discomfort from the humid ninety eight degree weather. A group of about twenty of us waited at a crosswalk for the light to change. Habitually, I trailed behind to observe people in the crowd. I scanned the area to discover familiar faces while I waited for the light to change. Across the street, I happened to glance at another group of people waiting at an adjacent crosswalk. One person stood out of place from the others, yet in a strange way, no one appeared to acknowledge him. This seemed impossible since he stood over six feet tall, wearing a fedora and trench coat with the collar turned up. His face remained hidden from view while his attire stuck out like a sore thumb, yet no one offered as much as a glance. The crosswalk light changed, forcing me to follow the stampede across the street. I kept the formidable man in sight, improving my view in the process. I seemed to avoid his detection, but nothing really gave me a feeling of comfort. I looked closer and saw something that defied everything.. everyone cast a shadow on the sidewalk except him.
I realized that nothing out of the ordinary ever happened away from the house, so I purposely spent time exploring the neighborhood and did other things to avoid being home. I frequented the downtown businesses on Main Street, spending hours in Woolworth's, Kresge's and Lucky's Record Store. My father's side of the family kept a strong influence with music, so I naturally followed in step and started a collection. The music became therapeutic, playing on my imagination and drawing me out of the surreal, enough to take me out of the void and avert my focus to something positive. I spent hours browsing the selections each store carried, then went home to indulge in a new world of sound.
The more time I spent outside the house I noticed odd things occasionally happened with no explanation. One afternoon, I anxiously waited for the final remaining minutes to pass as I sat watching the clock from my classroom desk. I spent the day overcome in earnest anticipation with a focused intent to do something once the school day ended. When time for dismissal finally came, I hurried home following the same familiar route. I ran non stop for a couple of blocks and drew closer to the parking entrance of a local grain elevator. I kept up the pace, oblivious to my surroundings and ran in front of a car that turned into the parking entrance. The speed the car traveled should have easily run me over, but an inner reflex caused me to hold my hands out to place on the hood of his car and we stopped at the same time. Once my hands touched the hood of the car I noticed for a split second that another pair of larger hands were on the hood with mine. The driver and I shared a puzzled glance. The confused expression on his face vindicated that he also saw something. No words exchanged as we slowly set off in separate directions, trying to make sense of what we just experienced.
I spent a hot summer afternoon walking the crowded sidewalks of Main Street, being one of my favorite pastimes. It became a convenient habit with walking distance only being a few blocks. I kept the same routine every time I went there. I knew the downtown area like the back of my hand and frequented the same businesses obsessively. The area usually remained crowded since the majority of places to shop lined the blocks of Main Street. Midland kept a slow expansion growth rate at the time, but the downtown area remained the choice for many people to go to. I walked for hours among the crowds, sharing in the discomfort from the humid ninety eight degree weather. A group of about twenty of us waited at a crosswalk for the light to change. Habitually, I trailed behind to observe people in the crowd. I scanned the area to discover familiar faces while I waited for the light to change. Across the street, I happened to glance at another group of people waiting at an adjacent crosswalk. One person stood out of place from the others, yet in a strange way, no one appeared to acknowledge him. This seemed impossible since he stood over six feet tall, wearing a fedora and trench coat with the collar turned up. His face remained hidden from view while his attire stuck out like a sore thumb, yet no one offered as much as a glance. The crosswalk light changed, forcing me to follow the stampede across the street. I kept the formidable man in sight, improving my view in the process. I seemed to avoid his detection, but nothing really gave me a feeling of comfort. I looked closer and saw something that defied everything.. everyone cast a shadow on the sidewalk except him.
